I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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