He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Randomize
