you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
