I wish my penis had an off switch
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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