ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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