I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
