Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
