Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
