i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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