Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
