He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
