She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
