saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
