Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
