This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
