Umm I'm too high to move.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
