You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
