There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
