I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
