I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
