That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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