I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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