I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
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believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
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