Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize