My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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