I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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