I'm really into asian looking animals
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just had sex on a roof
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
