I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
