Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
