I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
FUCK WHALES
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
