You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
