We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
