Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
