We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
