They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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