I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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