I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
