She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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