I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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