i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
