He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
