I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
