there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
