That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
