Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
