Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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