please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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