I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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