Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
