i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
