Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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