Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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