upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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