dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The Olympian is in my bed
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