I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
