I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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