Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
