Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
