Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
