dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
