if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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