dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just high enough for therapy.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
