i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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