Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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