The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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