i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
