Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
