my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
