you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
