dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
