I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
