I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
