how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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