the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
