2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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