He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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