apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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