i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize