lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
